In All Actuality
by chibisamalove
Summary: Jr. and Shion are having relationship issues with their significant others and stumble upon one another.  Third chapter deals with the conversation Allen and Shion have.  Rated T mostly for Jr.'s mouth.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note – **I'm not particularly sure where this is set. It could be some time into the future of post-Episode III, or it could be kind of an AU. I'll leave it up to you to decide. Also, know that both Jr. and MOMO are in their adult forms in this fic, though MOMO will only be spoken about and not making an actual appearance…

Gaignun Kukai, Jr. closed the front door behind him, shaking his head as he did so. _Dammit, what's walking out on her going to accomplish? All it's gonna do is leave a mess for me to come back to. _He began walking purposefully away from the house but stopped when he reached the end of the small walk. _I can't deal with it right now. Maybe a walk will help to clear my damn head. I just need a break from it for a while. _He took a deep breath and continued on, no true idea of where he was going in his head.

After some amount of wandering, he happened upon the small park that had been built only a few months ago. "Ah, why the hell not? It's not like anyone's around to see me hanging out at the kiddy park. It's too damn bad I finally grew up. If I hadn't, no one would even wonder about me being here, anyway. Okay, quit the damn talking to yourself!" He dropped heavily into one of the gently swaying swings and heard it creak noisily. "Whoops, still managed to forget I'm a helluva lot heavier than I used to be…" He hooked his arms around the chains of the swing and lowered his head, trying to ignore the inner voice telling him he needed to think about what had just happened at the house.

A soft exclamation of surprise had him looking up and drawing his eyebrows together. He watched the brunette stride forward, her emerald eyes alight with delight. "I wasn't expecting to run into anyone here, let alone you! You may have changed, but I'd still know you anywhere!" She dropped into the swing next to him and smiled at him. "How have you been, Jr.? It's been a long time since we've seen one another."

"Damn, Shion, it's really good to see you," he said with a grin. "I sure as hell wasn't expecting to run into you, either. What brings you to this neck of the woods, anyway?" He was shocked to see her eyes start to glisten suspiciously before she turned her head away. "Was that the wrong thing to say?"

"No, it's not your fault, Jr.," she said as she lifted her hand to cover her eyes briefly. "I came out here to think some things over, honestly." She dug her toes into the dirt to give the swing momentum, and Jr. simply watched her for a minute as she swung next to him.

"It's kind of funny that you said that, since it's the same damn reason I came out here," he said finally. "Though I'm wandering a lot closer to home than you are. I mean, you're pretty far outta the way, Shion. Your house is clear across town."

"I know," she answered morosely. "It's why we don't get to see everyone as much as I want to. So what do you need to think over, anyway?" The question was obviously designed to put the focus on him, and he allowed her to do it. He knew Shion well enough to say that she'd get around to her reason for coming to the park in her own time.

"Me and MOMO," he replied, heaving a sigh. "Things were great when we first got together, but they've been going downhill for a while. I don't know what the hell to do. I really care about her, and I don't want to break her heart." He fell silent, and Shion brought her swing to a halt to lay a hand on his arm.

"Want to talk about it? Tell me what's been going on? I've gotten better at listening," she told him quietly.

"Hey, I'd be nuts to say no to a friendly ear," he said with a quick laugh. "Where do I start? Might as well go back to beginning and work my way from there, right?" She gave him a nod. Glancing at her, he saw how much she'd changed over the time since they'd last seen each other. She'd changed her hairstyle, preferring to wear it longer than she had before. Her sense of style had become less outrageous, as evidenced by the lack of skin she was showing in the pantsuit she was wearing. He found himself regretting that small change, though he'd never admit it aloud. Dragging his attention back, he bit his lip. "You remember how happy me and MOMO were, don't you? She didn't think I could feel that way about her after all the stuff with me and Sakura got revealed, but I ended up caring for her in a way Sakura didn't ask me to."

"Yes, I remember. She was all lit up when you told her how you felt, and I was so happy for the both of you. What happened?" Shion asked, her eyes wide.

"I'm not even sure when the hell it all started to get messed up, but I guess you can say there were signs right from the start. I know they say opposites attract and all that crap, and it's true. You know as well as I do that MOMO and I aren't a lot alike in the way we view stuff, but I wanted to make her happy. I think I did for a while, but then things changed. She was afraid of getting me angry, so she'd avoid a lot of issues to keep it from happening. Like the reason I left the house today. She started out being pretty damn tough with me, which shocked the hell out of me. She told me she wants kids, Shion, and I'm not ready yet. If I'm honest, I don't think **we're **ready for them, or that we're ever gonna be. So I told her straight-up that I really didn't think it was the time to be discussing kids when we weren't even getting along all that good. She told me she wanted a family, and my voice got a little loud when I answered her that it wasn't happening at that point. She got all quiet and folded her hands in front of her, and I could see in her eyes that she was afraid because I'd gotten louder. Stuff like that is driving me crazy." Jr. got to his feet, and he began pacing before the swing set.

Shion said softly, "I don't think that's all, though. I can just look at you and see how tense you are, Jr. What else has been going on that has you like this? I've got plenty of time to listen."

He sighed and took a seat on the bench that sat across from the swings. She stood up, hearing the swing snap back behind her, and made her way over to him. She sat down beside him, and he sent her a reluctant smile. "I didn't think I'd ever be talking about this to anyone, and I sure as hell didn't think I'd be talking about it with you. No offense or anything."

She smiled back at him gently. "None taken. Still, we both know what it's like to keep things inside us, right? Has it ever done us any good? So, how about we talk your problems with MOMO out, and then I promise to tell you what's been going on with me and Allen."

He shot her a quick look of surprise, but he kept his curiosity contained for the time being. "Fine, you've got a deal. Anyway, I get the feeling a lot of the time that my personality is way too strong for her. I kind of feel like I'm walking all over her. If I want something, and she doesn't, I still end up with it because she won't tell me no. I can see she's thinking it, but it goes hand in hand with how she seems afraid of getting me mad. She'd rather give in and let me have my way to avoid an argument. I don't want her to think she needs to tread so damn carefully around me, but I can't even get her to talk about it. How the hell can our relationship move forward if we can't talk about the problems we're having now?" He cursed and dropped his head to his hands.

"Oh, Jr., I'm sorry things have degenerated so badly between you and MOMO. Do you think there's any way to fix what's going wrong?" Shion asked, her green eyes sympathetic.

"I don't know," he replied with a shake of his head. "It ain't gonna be easy, especially since I let it get that bad to begin with. Now, we made a deal, so it's your turn to spill. What the hell brought you here of all damn places?"

She turned sideways to bring her feet up on the bench and curl her knees in toward her chest. With the professional image she presented in the pantsuit, it was odd to see her in what amounted to a child's position. "It seems we're having similar problems, Jr. I might not be experiencing exactly the same issues with Allen that you are with MOMO, but I guess you can say I'm paralleling you." She rested her forehead against her knees briefly before her emerald eyes met his sapphire ones. "Allen doesn't trust me. After everything that's happened, I can't say I really blame him. It still hurts, though."

"What do you mean? You two have been together for longer than me and MOMO have. How can he not trust you after all that damn time?" Jr. demanded.

"Because he's got a wall surrounding him, Jr., when it comes to me. It's probably because he doesn't know if he can trust why I'm with him. I've tried talking to him about it, but he insists everything is fine and that I'm worrying over something silly. If I try to bring up Kevin and that I've moved past him, his smile gets too bright and he just tells me he already knows. I know he's lying, because he makes it obvious. And the two of us are just so different in how we approach everything. He takes the slow and careful route, and I just want to charge in and get it over with. We can't seem to meet in the middle," she said, lowering her head to her knees again.

"You sure you can't get him to talk about it? I mean…damn, Shion, he's loved you for freakin' as long as I've known him!" he exclaimed, lost as to why Shion was in the situation she was in.

"Maybe it's not even him," she said slowly, raising her head. "Or not totally him, anyway. We all know how afraid of true commitment I am. He asked me to marry him, you know…"

Jr. stared at her. "And what the hell was your answer?"

"I couldn't give him one," she whispered. "I didn't know what I really wanted. A part of me wanted to say yes, but then this really scared part of me told me I wasn't ready. If I can't get him to truly trust me and my reasons for being with him, it doesn't make much sense to get married. Does it?"

"Shit, I'm not the best one to ask, Shion," Jr. said, rubbing at his temples. "Yeah, me and MOMO ended up getting married, but it sure as hell ain't working out. In the end, the only one who knows what's right for you…is you."

"So then do you think you're going to tell MOMO it's over?" she asked him quietly.

"I don't think I have a choice. I'm not making her happy, and I know it. There's too much damn crap that we can't seem to work past. And I care about her too much to just let her stay in a marriage that isn't doing a damn thing for her. It's going to hurt her, and I know that, but we'll be better off in the long run. It's just gonna be freakin' hard as hell to actually tell her." Sadness shone for an instant on his face before he focused his attention on her. "And what about you? You going to try and work things out with Allen? Sounds to me like you've got a better chance since it's not your personalities butting heads. You two just need to have a long talk about how you both feel, right?"

"I'm going to go back home and try, Jr. I don't want to just throw away what we've gained so far. I love him, and I want to see if it can work." She unfolded from her position and sat up straight. "While I'm sad to hear you don't think it can work with MOMO, I know you need to do what's best for both of you. I'm glad we had this talk, since it really helped to clear my head on some things. Thanks, Jr." She leaned over to hug him, and he returned the hug affectionately.

"Hey, what do you think friends are for?" he said lightly. "And thanks for letting me sound off about my problems. Now, we both better get back and do what we need to do, huh?" They both got to their feet and headed out of the park, parting ways at the entrance with one last friendly hug. Jr. made his way slowly back toward the house he shared with MOMO, standing outside the closed door for a few minutes. _Well, if I'm gonna tell her, now's the time to do it. Here's hoping Shion can do what I couldn't, and that's actually make a relationship work. _He opened the door and stepped inside to face what needed to be done, though he did so with a heavy heart.

**Author's note 2 – **So the idea behind this fic is simple – to show that two popular pairings, AllenxShion and, most especially, Jr.xMOMO, wouldn't be as cute and fluffy as they're made out to be. I think both would have some serious issues to work through, and that's why this story was born. Sorry if I offended any who like either or both pairings, but it's my view on them and I'm sticking to it! Constructive criticism welcomed, but any flames due to the viewpoint in this fic will be ignored. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note – **You know, this is getting a bit repetitive… Every time I'm positive I'm done with a story, something or someone comes along and points out it could be a little more. Anyway, I suppose it only makes sense to at least show Jr.'s conversation with MOMO so it's known how it goes. I can't promise I'll make a chapter for Allen and Shion, but if they speak up in my head, then I'll have no choice. -glares at them both to keep them quiet- Oh, and I'm thanking Princess Artemis a thousand times over for reading over this for me before I posted it!

Having let himself into the house, Jr. leaned back against the door, undecided as to whether or not he could do what he'd intended. _Maybe I need to rethink things a little. I kind of let my emotions lead me here, and that's sure not gonna help at all. What if I'm being way too damn rash and impulsive about this? Not like I haven't ever done __**that**__ before_, he thought derisively. Before he could do anything more than straighten up, he heard MOMO's soft voice calling out to him.

"Jr., is that you? I'm in the kitchen." There was a trace of worry in her voice, and he felt the guilt flow through him that he'd walked out on her the way he had. He hadn't said a word to her before he'd gone, and hearing that faint worry was causing him to regret his hasty action. Drawing a deep breath, he strode away from the door and toward the kitchen. Stopping in the doorway, his gaze traveled over his wife's back as she busily prepared what he knew would be their dinner. She turned to him after she'd finished chopping up vegetables and gave him a gentle smile. "I'm happy to see you back," she said softly.

His first instinct was to move forward and pull her into his arms to bury his face in her soft, pink hair. It wouldn't help their current situation, though. He managed to steel himself against that instinct and only moved enough to be able to take her hands in his. "We need to talk, MOMO," he said in a quiet voice, his eyes falling upon the wedding bands glinting on their fingers. The rings caused him to close his eyes briefly, and he heard her whisper his name. "How about we go and sit down in the living room?" As he attempted to pull her gently with him, he felt a slight resistance from her before a sigh rippled through her. She trailed along almost willingly after that.

"I don't think I've ever seen you look so serious," she told him once he'd sat down beside her. She lifted a hand to touch his face, and he allowed himself the fleeting luxury of leaning into her hand. "I'm observing that your feelings are all over the place right now. As afraid as I am to know what's really going on, the thought of letting you stay in that state is scaring me worse. I'm sorry I didn't come with you right away in the kitchen…"

"Don't do that," he said to her. It came out harsher than he'd intended, causing her to pull back from him a bit. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I just don't want you apologizing for it. Did you want to know where I went when I left before? How'd you know I left, anyway?"

"Because I watched you from the upstairs window," she answered in a small voice. "I thought about calling out to you, since the window was open, but I thought you needed time away from me. I pushed you too hard about having a family, especially when you told me you weren't ready."

The urge to take her in his arms proved too overpowering, and he gave into it. She rested her head against his chest as he stroked her hair with a gentle hand. "No. Dammit, it's just as much my fault for not explaining why. It's good that you brought it up, though, because that's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. Why do you want a family with me? I think you know like I do that there's a lot not right with us right now…"

She was silent for a time, and he didn't push her into answering. Finally, she said in a very soft voice, "Because I thought that if we were to have a child, it would bring us closer together again."

He pulled back so they were able to look at one another. "I know how important family is to you, but we can't even think about bringing a baby into this right now. **We'd **have to be okay first, before we even thought about adding another person."

"I know you're right," she said, her golden eyes beginning to sparkle with tears, "but I wanted so badly to have back what we used to, Jr. What happened to us?"

"I guess this is where I can tell you that I ended up at the park after I left. I swear, it ties into what you just asked," he hurried to say when she looked confused. "I was kind of wandering for a while, just thinking about the argument we'd had. So I ended up there, and I ran into someone I really didn't expect to see. It was Shion, and we had a pretty damn interesting discussion about our lives."

"Shion?" MOMO cried, her happiness at hearing their old friend's name causing her to light up. It was an emotion Jr. realized he hadn't seen in her for some time. He pulled her close, wanting to bask for a minute in the glow of it. "How was she? It's been so long since we've really seen her. We've all been so busy building our lives here that we haven't had a lot of time to spare."

"Sounds like things aren't going so good between her and Allen, from what she told me," Jr. responded and heaved a sigh. "We kind of used each other for a friendly ear to sound off about our lives…"

MOMO's lower lip trembled slightly. "So then she knows that you and I are…?"

"Yeah, she does. I needed someone to talk to about it, and she was there. I don't want you thinking I blame you, because I sure as hell don't, but you don't ever want to talk about it when I bring up the problems we've been having. If this stands a chance of working out, we've got to talk about what's been going wrong between us." Jr. rested his hands on MOMO's shoulders and gazed into her golden eyes. "Now, I want to ask you a serious question, because a whole helluva lot hinges on the answer you give me. Are you happy with me?"

She looked away from him for a second before her eyes returned to his. "I love you," she said simply.

He removed his hands from her shoulders and laid a finger against her lips. "That's not an answer to my question," he said gently. "Just because you love me doesn't mean you're happy with me."

She began to fidget next to him, bringing her hands together and wringing them in a plain wish to not respond. When his hand slid into her hair, just below one of the small sensors that were nearly hidden from view, she brought her hands up to cover her face. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs, and he pulled her against him, his eyes showing the stark bleakness that had enveloped him. He held her close until the tears she was shedding seemed to start flowing a little less, managing to keep his mouth closed with some difficulty. _Remember that it's your big, damn mouth that ends up getting you in trouble, idiot_, he chastened himself. The loss of the warmth she'd been providing him when she pulled back was enough to make his own throat thicken with tears. He waited for her to say something, afraid of her answer now but knowing he had to hear it.

"Jr., you've always made me happy," she whispered. "I'm scared that I'm not making you happy, though. I can't be who you seem to want me to be."

"What the hell does that mean?" he asked roughly, his emotions making him sound fiercer than he'd planned on.

"I want to be the person who isn't afraid of making you angry, and who isn't afraid of going head to head with you when you are. I want to be someone that you can always love and respect, because I'm capable of standing up to you when I need to. I don't think I can be, though. I'm just me. And I don't know that that's enough for you," she said softly, and the tears began to slide over her cheeks again.

"I don't want you taking this all onto yourself!" he cried passionately. "I know I'm not the easiest damn person to live with! I know I run over you like some kind of freakin' train to get my way, and that's not goddamn fair to you! Your family is important to you, and yet I can come up with a bunch of damn, stupid-ass reasons for us not to go and see Juli and the old man. Like me getting too damn involved in something and not being willing to drop it so you can see them. It's me that's most of the problem here, and you deserve better than that." He blinked hard against the tears that had risen before taking her hands in his. "Just because you don't want to see me angry and don't want to fight back with me when I get in one of my moods doesn't mean it's your fault that we've grown so far apart. Fighting isn't what a relationship's about. Unless you're with me," he growled, angry at himself for not realizing beforehand that MOMO was placing all of the blame upon herself.

"It's not what a relationship is about, but being afraid to fight isn't good for it, either," she said with a small sigh. "I make it harder for you, Jr., by giving in. I let you lead us where we need to go, because I love you. It's who you are. You lead, and you always have. In a relationship, it has to be about both people, though. One can't be afraid of things, or the relationship ends up like this," she finished sadly, gesturing to the two of them.

"I'll change then," he told her desperately. "I can be less of an ass, and that means we won't need to fight. I can stop being so damn arrogant and self-centered, and start treating you the way you need to be treated!"

She lifted her hand to rest it against his cheek, her eyes roaming over his face. "I can't expect you to change, Jr. I fell in love with who you are, and I wouldn't want you to be anyone other than who you are." She moved closer to him, and his arms slid around her waist to drag her to his chest. She heard his ragged breathing, and sadness filled her. _Oh, I never wanted to hurt him. He means so very much to me, and I can feel his heart breaking. What can I do to fix it? _"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "For not being strong enough for you."

"No, it doesn't have a damn thing to do with that! It's got everything to do with me being too goddamn abrasive for someone as good-hearted as you. If you'll give me a chance, I can tone it down. I swear that to you," he said pleadingly, pressing his lips to her hair.

"And I know you would do that, because you've always kept your promises to me," she returned, allowing herself to snuggle against him and listen to the beat of his heart. "I just don't know that I can learn to be stronger with you. You need that. You need a person who can be tough when the situation calls for it, rather than someone who's willing to let you do what you want."

"Maybe we can meet in the middle," he said quietly. "You know, compromise and actually make an effort now that we know what's wrong. If we can't, then we can admit to the fact that we're just not…" His throat closed up for a few seconds before he could continue. "We're just not meant to be together. I'm sure as hell not willing to give up on you without making a real damn go of it, though."

"Maybe we can," she agreed, feeling less lost than she had at the beginning of the conversation. "But if we're not able to, then we part with no placing of blame, Jr. We'll know we did what we could, and it just didn't work. Will you agree to that?"

"Yeah," he said in answer, as his heart began to slowly unclench. He'd come back to the house with the intention of ending everything, and somehow he'd managed a new beginning. As he held her close, he had no idea what the future held for them, but at least they had a possible future. He hoped that was enough. His thoughts turned briefly toward Shion, and he prayed that any conversation she had with Allen managed to put everything in perspective for his friends as his with MOMO had for them.

**Author's note 2 – **Now don't for one second think I support this pairing. However, I did some soul-searching while writing this and realized a few things. Even if they have some serious issues to overcome, Jr. wouldn't go without a fight. And, despite my dislike for her, MOMO has a very big heart and would do her best to try and keep her relationship together. It certainly doesn't mean the relationship could work out, but they'd give it a go and what would be, would be. Lord, I hate that I feel the need to write so honestly! Still, I do truly feel that Jr. would be better off with Shion, because she has the personality to suit him. Speaking of Shion, looks like I'll be writing THAT conversation next… -sighs-


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note – **You'll have to cut me a bit of slack with this chapter. I've been wrestling with Allen and Shion for a bit on it. Allen's kind of afraid to have any issues made public, you know! And Shion's just been her usual pain-in-the-butt self…

After she left Jr. at the park, Shion wandered slowly back toward her vehicle. She didn't wish to hurry home and talk to Allen. _I envy you, Jr., for not being afraid to go home and talk to MOMO. Even if you're telling her it's over, you're not avoiding it. All I want to do is run, now that I've talked about my problems out loud. _Once she'd finally managed to slip behind the wheel of her car, she simply rested her head against the steering wheel. Thoughts of confronting Allen about their problems wouldn't leave her, no matter how she tried to force them from her head. "Fine," she said aloud, an annoyed note entering her voice, "I'll get it out of the way." She started the car and made her way toward the home she shared with Allen.

"Shion," Allen called when she entered the house, "is that you? I was wondering where you'd gone. You didn't answer your phone when I called, so I was getting worried."

Realizing his voice was coming from the living room, Shion took a deep breath and headed in that direction. She was suddenly overwhelmed by Allen's embrace as he drew her into his arms and nuzzled her hair. "I'm fine, Allen," she said irritably. The fact that she needed to talk to him about something so important and really didn't want to was causing her mood to rapidly deteriorate. "I was just at the park across town. Nothing happened to me."

"Yeah, I can see nothing happened to you," he responded, sounding confused and hurt by her tone with him. "What's wrong?"

She was a little surprised by the bluntness of his question. It put her on the spot in a way she didn't care for, and she stepped out of his arms to turn away from him. Folding her arms across her chest, she shook her head. She'd decided against bringing anything up because she wasn't ready to deal with any of it. She simply didn't have Jr.'s courage for meeting issues head-on. "It's nothing." She hadn't used those words in quite some time, and she regretted saying them instantly when she heard Allen's sigh. Spinning back to him, she said quietly, "It's nothing that we need to talk about, okay? Today's just been a really strange day."

His eyebrows drew together questioningly. "Do you feel like telling me why it's been strange? Maybe we should sit down…?" He gestured toward the sofa and then reached out for her hand. She hesitated for a few seconds, causing him to lower his hand to his side. "We've both been avoiding a lot," he said abruptly. "I'd really like to stop doing that and just try to talk some things out. Are you okay with that?" His blue eyes met her green ones pleadingly.

She bit her lip, ready to shake her head. She wasn't okay with it, not at all. She was afraid of what talking could bring to their relationship. Just as she opened her mouth to answer negatively, he took her hands in his and squeezed them gently. Drawing a deep breath, she nodded. "I can't say I'm okay with it, but we definitely need to talk. It's what I wanted to do when I came in here to meet you, and then I couldn't do it."

He allowed her to settle on the sofa before he sat down beside her. "That sounds like you've been thinking about us. Anything good?" he asked, a hint of fear creeping into his voice despite his best efforts. He wasn't feeling overly hopeful that it could be.

Despite knowing what they needed to talk about, Shion lifted a hand to touch Allen's face. "I want you to know that you are a wonderful and caring man. I've never given you reason to love me like you do, and you did, anyway. Thank you for doing that."

His smile faltered at the serious tone. "Somehow, what you just said is causing me to worry again. What happened today, Shion?"

She glanced away, toward the large window where the sunlight was pouring through to lend a cheerfulness to the room she wasn't able to feel. "Like I said before, I went to the park when I left. I don't really know how I ended up there. Maybe I was supposed to or something. I ran into Jr. there, of all people."

Allen's eyes widened. "What was Jr. doing at the park? That's so weird that you ran into him, especially when we haven't seen him and MOMO in so long. I guess you two would have talked, right?" His tone was gently probing, in no way demanding that she tell him what had been discussed but letting her know he would listen if she wished to talk about it.

Her gaze returned to him somewhat reluctantly. "We did," she said. "Do you really want to know what we talked about?" The question was designed to make Allen nervous and not pursue the subject.

He surprised her when he said quietly, "If you're willing to talk about it, then I'd like to hear about it. I just don't want you thinking that I'm pushing you to tell me."

She sighed and gave into the inevitable. "We talked about our relationships, Allen. Jr. told me he and MOMO are having serious problems, and he didn't seem to think they could work past them. When we left each other, he was on his way to tell her it was over." She fell silent, and just as Allen was about to say something to fill the uneasy quiet, she spoke again. "I talked to him about what's been going on between us, too. About how you don't trust me, even after the months we've been together."

He brought his hand to the back of his head in his trademark display of embarrassment. "I trust you, Shion…"

She narrowed her emerald eyes at him. "You don't! Despite all that happened, you don't trust why I'm with you, Allen! Why don't you just admit it?"

He was quiet for a time, his eyes not meeting hers. After she cleared her throat, he seemed to deflate somewhat. "Guess I don't have a choice… I was the one who said we should sit down and talk, right? I never really asked why you were with me, Shion, because I was busy being happy that you were. Then it hit me that I needed to wonder about it one day. I didn't like the answer I came up with. I came up with it because I know you so well, so I don't think it's wrong."

"What did you come up with?" she asked, sounding slightly combative. There were times she wasn't happy that Allen knew her so well, because it made her feel as though she could never hide anything from him. That included her thoughts and emotions; things that she felt no one else should have access to.

"You're with me because you think I'm safe," he said, his obvious pain making him sound bone-weary. "You're with me because I'm not Kevin, and you don't have to worry about falling so deeply in love with me that I can hurt you like he did."

An instant protest leapt to her lips. "Allen, we've discussed that before! I'm past Kevin! I'm with you because it's you I love."

"I know you love me, Shion," he said softly, taking her hands in his again. "But I'm beginning to wonder if you're **in **love with me. Can I ask you a question?" He waited for her terse nod before continuing. "After the time we've been together, what do you know about me?"

She was at a loss for words. How could she reply when she knew that she'd never gone out of her way to ask him much about his life, his feelings, his thoughts, or really anything at all? She'd been so wrapped up in her own healing from all that had happened to even begin to consider Allen. She lowered her head sadly. "I don't really know anything more than I did before we started our relationship, Allen," she admitted, sounding broken.

He swallowed painfully. He'd known the truth already, of course, but hearing her admit to it meant he couldn't avoid it any longer. "And that's kind of why you're thinking I'm so much safer than Kevin." His voice was quiet, but there was something in it that caused Shion to look up at him. "I'm not saying I'm not, but I think it'd be nice for you to discover that for yourself."

"I've already discovered that for myself," she snapped and then, realizing what she sounded like, tried to alter her tone. "Allen, I know how much you love me, and how hard you've been trying to make us work."

He bit his lip, not happy with that response. He hadn't heard anything in her voice that alluded to her showing him her love in return or that she'd been working on their growing closer and maturing in the relationship as well. Not sure why he was saying what he was saying, other than slipping back into old habits of trying to absolve her of any blame, he spoke to her gently. "It hasn't been just me. You've been trying, too, in your own way. I know it's been hard to let me in after everything that happened, but I do feel closer to you in some ways…" He trailed off when she lifted a hand to rest it against his cheek.

"Thank you for trying to make me look better, Allen, but that's not the truth and we both know it." She saw his blue eyes widen at her admission and sighed. "I don't know where that came from, but I'm a little tired of hiding from things. Especially the truth. Maybe it's time I faced the fact that I haven't matured anywhere near as much as I would have liked. Maybe I needed more time on my own, so I could figure me out before involving someone else." His face contorted, and it made her strangely happy that her heart clenched at the sight of it. It meant that, despite not knowing where or how she stood with her own self at the moment, she did care for him and how he felt. She just wasn't sure it was enough for them, not at that point in time. "I don't want to hurt you, Allen," she whispered.

He took a few seconds to compose himself before answering her. "I know you don't," he said softly, squeezing her hands comfortingly despite his heart feeling as though it was breaking. "I want you to know something, because I don't think I've said it enough. It took me too long to say it in the first place, and I don't tell you it like I should. I love you, Shion. I have for years, and I don't know that I'll ever be able to stop. I really want our relationship to work, and I'm willing to do what I have to so it can." Loosing one of her hands so he could tenderly smooth her hair from her face, he asked in a lightly trembling voice, "Do **you** want us to work?"

Her eyes slid away, and he felt as though everything within him had simply stopped and wouldn't start again until he'd heard her answer. "I do want us to work, Allen, but I don't think it's going to with where I am right now," she said softly when she finally brought her gaze back to him. "I'd like some time to figure out some things. Once I do, I'd like for us to try again."

Face falling and heart cracking, Allen was unable to speak for some time. Having finally achieved what he'd wanted for so long, the thought of losing it was something he found himself having trouble coping with. He'd known his relationship with Shion had its issues, but he'd never truly thought that it might cause a need for them to be apart. He'd simply believed that he could be what she needed, and that he'd be able to move beyond not totally trusting her reasons for being with him if they worked on the problems long and hard enough. "So you want to separate?" he forced through lips that didn't wish to form the words.

"For a while," she responded, giving into her instinct to bring her hand to his cheek. "I want to become what you need and deserve, and I'm not that person now. I'm sorry, Allen." Her voice had become a somber whisper by the time she'd gotten to her apology to him.

Biting his lip against the tears threatening, he took her hand from his cheek before pulling her close. "You don't need to apologize. You know all that matters to me is your happiness, and if you think you need this time away, I'll give it to you. Do you think I could ask something of you, though?"

She lifted her head from his shoulder, having given into her need to lean on him in the time of stress that they'd brought to one another with their honesty. "I don't think I can say no, not with how understanding you're being about all of this."

"I love you, Shion," he said simply. "It's not what I want, and I can't help but admit that. It's what you feel you need, though, and you know I'll stand by that." He drew a deep breath, preparing himself mentally for what he was about to propose. "Do you remember that there were a couple of doctors on board the _Dämmerung_?" She gave him a confused nod. "I think it might help you if you talked to someone about what you're feeling. They might be able to give you advice on how to deal with how it's been affecting you." He was already drawing his shoulders inward, fearing what her reaction would be to what he'd suggested.

She surprised him when a thoughtful look appeared on her face. "Maybe that would be good for me," she said slowly. "I guess it can't hurt, can it? Maybe the fact that I'm thinking about it means I'm capable of changing…" She gave him a tremulous smile before standing up. "As much as I don't want to think about this right now, I think I need to start getting my things together and figure out where I'm going to stay. If Miyuki will take me in for a while, then that would really help."

"Okay," he said quietly, not knowing what else to say. Having a dream come to an end, even if only temporarily, had a way of causing a person to become morosely silent. When she leaned down to brush her lips against his cheek, he had to shut his eyes hard to keep the tears from overflowing. Some time later, when he heard the door close behind her, he stopped fighting his emotions and gave into the tumult sweeping through him. His heart was mourning the loss of her, and it would continue to until she was able to return to him.

**Author's note 2 – **All I can say is ARGH when it comes to this chapter. I know many won't believe that Allen and Shion could be that difficult to write when dealing with them realistically, but they are. They have a ton of issues, even more so than Jr. and MOMO, and it took me FOREVER to write this chapter because of that. I've got one more chapter to go with this story, and then I can bid farewell to it. I'd appreciate reviews, but any flames will just be ignored. If you have a differing opinion, I'll accept it but not if it's trying to roast me to death. XD


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